I have a friend whose 20 something son is ‘quirky’.
After hearing Temple Grandin speak, she wondered if her son might have Asperger’s or autism.
“But”, she wondered, “if he does, then what type of mom does that make me to not have noticed or done anything about it?”
I feel for her.
Especially as a parent, there are millions of things we could’ve/should’ve done to improve the life of our child now as well as give them a better future.
If we hold onto all of our wishing to change the past or condemning ourselves for what we did, it limits what we have to offer to others and the world today.
The cost of not forgiving ourselves is high.
God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won't.
~often attributed to Alfred Korzybski but may not have been his originally.
The ability to forgive is one of man's greatest achievements.
~Bryant H. McGill
1. Not forgiving yourself costs time & energy.
Any time that is spent dwelling in the past is time that you are not using wisely in the present.
If what you are dwelling on is de-energizing, then you also won’t have the energy to do what needs to be done today.
2. Non-forgiveness appears to reduce your capabilities for unrelated tasks as well as makes some challenges appear more difficult than they really are. That is, you are making today more of a struggle than it need be.
3. Unforgiveness costs you your health. It has been linked to many issues such, as higher blood pressure, a weaker immune system, more stress hormones in the blood stream, back pain, stomach problems, headaches, anger, bitterness, resentment, and depression.
4. Forgiveness is more difficult for some than others. Forgiving ourselves isn’t easy for anyone but some of us have a grudge-holding style which makes it difficult to forgive. Adding the struggle of doing something unfamiliar to our already busy lives is not something most of us willingly do.
5. The process is front loaded. You need to first give the time and attention before the positive results will be felt. Need a bit of self care? Try our Ultra Shoulder Wrap and Ultra Warming/Cooling Blanket to make the process easier.
6. You may not know if you have forgiven yourself of past decisions.
If you are unsure of your level of self-unforgiveness, then Lorraine Cohen has tips to help you uncover the answer.
"1. Look at how your self-talk. Is it harsh or loving?
2. How do you care for yourself every day? What do you do or don’t do?
3. What thoughts or memories do you revisit that still have an emotional charge/reaction? (anger, guilt, resentment, grief, judgments, regrets…)"
If, after considering the above questions, you found that you are not always kind to yourself or have an issue or two that you are still blaming yourself for, carrying the burden of, feel 100% responsible for, or generally can’t release, stay tuned for next week’s issue.
Next Wednesday, we’ll have a list of mindset changes, baby step habits and activities you can adopt.
Have an aware week.
Providing calmness & comfort, learning & laughter,