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Feelings: identify, understand and then what?

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Feelings: identify, understand and then what?

Feelings can be difficult for all of us to identify and understand.

Were we really angry? Or were we hurt?


Did we really not like what another person was doing? Or were we jealous of their success?


For argument’s sake, let’s say that we are aware that we are angry and that it is because we are hurt. We are hurt because we weren’t invited to be part of the group. Now what? Getting to this stage, still leaves us angry, hurt and feeling left out.


Here are a couple of suggestions on what to do next. 


The first idea is to choose characters or people who have a quality that you would like to have, and then emulate how that person would behave in your situation. In other words, choose a role model. The character might be someone you know personally, but that isn’t a requirement. They might be real or fictional. You could have different characters for different circumstances: someone who is great at handling new situations and someone else who is good at handling anger.


The main points are that you know enough about the person to understand how they would react in a certain situation, that their behaviour is the type of behaviour you want to develop, and that you believe you can develop that behaviour in yourself. You may never reach the level of your role model but that isn’t what’s important. Instead, focus on: Does using this person as a role model help you to become the person you want to become.


The second method is less circumstance specific and probably takes more time to develop.

It involves creating two lists of adjectives.


The first list is three words that describes the you you want to become. They could be words like bold, patient or persistent.


The second list is words that describe you when interacting with people. Words such as polite, caring or fair.

This list of words is repeated daily: I am bold, patient or persistent. I am polite, caring or fair.


The lists could be posted in the bathroom or on the fridge.


The next step is to reinforce this new future self by applying to daily life (Where did I behave like ‘x’? Where was I bold, patient, persistent, polite, caring, fair?).


Look for evidence of that behaviour in yourself or how it could’ve been implemented in a specific circumstance for future application.


It is this last step the impacts the future. We need our actions reinforced and to see that progress can be made or is being made. Either method gives us a target and simplifies what actions we want to take.



Knowledge will give you power, but character respect. ~Bruce Lee


In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Action Ideas

1. List people you admire and what you admire about them. Which quality do you want to focus on? Who would you like to copy for that quality? How would your role model behave when in the specific circumstance? Practice what you would say in such a circumstance (coming up with the words when under stress is a difficult thing to do. Better to have the words chosen beforehand).


2. Here is a list of positive adjectives to help if you want to make your own lists of three. This idea comes from Brendon Burchard and is something I practice. I know he probably has a video about it but I could not find it. My apologies. He would describe the purpose better.


3. Sometimes everyone needs time away to feel and to think, or, if overwhelmed, to not feel and not think. Our Travel HoodiePillows can create a 'quiet zone' wherever you are.


What are some qualities you admire? How do you plan on ‘growing’ into those qualities? Have you found a simple way that has worked for you?

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